Rewriting Tommy J

On June 1, 1998 V.P. Al Gore issued a memorandum that requires most new government documents to be written in "plain language" and that by Jan. 1, 2002, no matter when they were printed, these documents must be written in "clear, everyday words." One political satirist and journalist has already "rewritten" the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE -- or, as H. L. Mencken himself might have said it:

""TOMMY J'S REASONS WHY YOU AND ME IS FREE"

"When things get so balled up that the people of country got to cut loose from some other country, and go it on their own hook without asking no permission from nobody, excepting maybe God Almighty, then they ought to let everybody know why they done it, so that everybody can see they are not trying to put nothing over on nobody.

"All we got to say on this proposition is this: First, me and you is as good as anybody else and maybe a damn sight better; second, nobody ain't got no right to take away none of our rights; third, every man has got a right to live, to come and go as he pleases, and to have a good time whichever way he likes, so long as he don't interfere with nobody else.

"That any government that don't give a man them rights ain't worth a damn; also, people ought to choose the kind of government they want themselves, and nobody else ought to have no say in the matter.

"That whenever any government don't do this, then the people have got a right to give it the bum's rush and put in one that will take care of their interests."

~H. L. Mencken, 1921